oh so he is so my boyfriend :)  damn its goodweird to have a new boyfriend.

Also professor layton makes me feel like a drooling retard 90% of the time and a freaking genius the other 10% of the time.  

AND THE YANKEES BETTER WIN TONIGHT   tomorrow

<input ... ></input><input ... >Really brief summary: I lived in Prague for six months.  Made some amazing friends, learned what being American really means, damaged my liver, and could not find a job. I miss it, but it never really felt like home.  Then I lived in Jersey for a month and half, which was surprisingly nice.  Maybe it was just nice because I missed America so much (really.).  Then I lived with Jonas for a month, at adas's.  I still love him but that month really helped prove to me that he and I don't work.  If I had to pick someone to be sealed in a bedroom with a computer with he would be number one, but getting him out of the apartment was always a chore and he has always taken me for granted and probably always will.  He may be nicer than he was when we were in our awful non-relationship when I was 19 but I think his niceness and empathy have plateaued.  He has also taken to being "professional" and dressing like an IT guy. 

Anyways, he left, I was depressed for a couple of weeks, then Adas and I moved to a tiny one bedroom railroad basement apt.  After looking for a room on cl for 3 months, I finally posted a room wanted ad and got a lot of responses.  I now live with a dysfunctional, slightly shut in, but nice couple in inner se by the cemetary.  They make me feel like a social butterfly, which is weird.  I'm not there that much though because I'm sorta-dating Aurora's roommate.  He's nicer to me than any other guy I've ever been with nd I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I think he thinks that we're boyfriend/girlfriend but I'm not sure I agree there but we spend absolutely every night together.  I

I am moving to Prague in October, with no real intention of coming back to America.  If I come back, I might try to live in brooklyn or queens or something for a year and nanny.  Then Portland again.  Portland is my home.

Jonas left for grad school friday and I am oddly complacent.  I will always love him and he will always love me.  I am shocked at how ok I am with this.  I am proud of both of us and our abilities to go our own way.  I feel far more liberated then I expected to.

Is it sad that I don't want to go to wordstock because RL Stine won't be there this year?

He was such a sad, bitter man...last time he kept ranting about his son, who apparently hates his work.

I had a dream that I went back in time to portland in 1994. It was kind of like a grunge rock steampunk version of Dark City. Everyone was in their 20s and most were wearing tye die. I hung out at some 24 hour bookstore where someone tried to cut me up with the guillotines mounted to the ceiling. By hitting the switches in the right sequence I cut off her hands.

Last night I dreamed about a future run by the bad kind of russian communists (hot female darkhaired ones). No one was alowed to have cars and there were sweeping spotlights everywhere. Luckily, I had super powers and could turn invisible to escape. We had some kind of final showdown at this big beautiful lake.

When things are going well, I never post anything.

I have a job at a christian preschool as a sub/toddler teacher. I was wary of the christian thing at first, but the gist of it seems to be "jesus loves everyone", and that's ok (even though the staff meeting was opened with prayer and that made me uncomfortable). One of the airy children's cds that we listen to repeatedly mentions the "blood of the lamb" I need to figure out which song that is and burn it. It's a zillion times better than my other school, where pleasing the parents was more important than accommodating the children. And my co workers aren't the owner's spies.

Toddlers are like little grunting neanderthauls. Less collective than the preschoolers, their vocabulary consists mostly of "mine". Some dabble into hello and goodbye. The strongest ones pick the toys they want, while the little ones can only reply with crying and occasional hair pulling. Children are living examples of evolution, slug like infants to crawly wobblers to Neanderthal toddlers, to the collectivism of preschoolers. I seem to be very popular with the wobblers (mobile infants). I think its because I can sit and make silly faces at them and coo for long periods of time without getting bored.

I preformed a splinterectomy friday, and one boy told me his mom was a gorilla. I have to go buy a new shirt before work, my weekend clothes are too lowcut for work today. And I need some kind of colorful shirt to offset the knee high combat boots. While I don't violate the dresscode any more than my co workers with (cool) visible tattoos, I don't want to lead them to say anything.

I'm trying to teach the toddlers how to pound it after a high five.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast   Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

my accent still comes and goes, and is especially strong if I'm around it for too long.

My parents are sending me their old mattress pad.

Pros: comfy as everliving fuck. Memory foam and feathers. oh man.

Cons: I bet my parents have had sex on it.

Mega con: my grandpa died on it, which I guess cancels out the "everliving" think I just said.

counter con: he hasn't haunted my parents yet, I should be fine.

I had an epic dream that a demon lord wanted me to plan his wedding. I was in tight with the demons and somehow escaped enslavement as their kind invaded. At some point there was a succubus harem of shiny eyed sex slaves, and the less attractive ones were transmuted into naga (women with snake bodies). For some reason I insisted on having the wedding in Toronto. The whole dream was pretty xrated, one of those dystopian hell-on-earths that was more about demon orgies than hellfire if you played your cards right.

all in all a good night.

I have a new rat, baby Ripsi Splinter. She is calm and cute as can be, and suprisingly obedient.

I went to a fucking awesome party with Kayla and Wafa last night. It was a crazy go nuts prototypically portland affair. A huge house in NE. Homebrew beer for 2$ from the guerrilla public house, Captured by porches. Kids were spilling out into the street, there was a utterly packed to the point of near moshpit dance floor/living room, and some smoky rooms upstairs. Lots of girls with the necks cut out of their tee shirts, chinlength spikey hair, and converse. Boys dressed like 80s rapper skate boarders. I was dressed like a hipster but whatever, I was a hot one. I downed a bottle of oatmeal stout, a cup of homebrew hefeweizen, and about ten shots of god knows what. Cops were nice enough to not show up until around 1, 1:30. I knew barely anyone there but I was too happy and drunk to care.

I've missed getting all dolled up and going to unruly parties.

Zardoz is on ondemand right now.

I got a job!! Tomorrow, I start babysitting for a family up by Alberta. It's a bit of a schlep, but the family is fantabulous, understanding, and relaxed. I might start babysitting for other children in the neighborhood as well, for 6$ a hour per kid (3 kids..18$ a hour, under the table). The child is a very cool 3.5 year old girl, and the mom and I talked about music the whole ride home (oh man they even drive me home!). She was listening to Nick Cave in the car : )

Babysitting totally rules.

Last night I lost my karaoke virginity to Thank you For Being a Friend (golden girls theme) at Suki's. Luckily I was very, very drunk and had back up dancers (kayla, aurora, and Margaret).

Jonas and I have been boyfriend/girlfriend for one year as of today, the 18th. Fucking weird. Totally awesome and I love him to pieces, but its still weird to think about. I've become a monogamy person (but god bless the makeout clause) somehow. I'm letting things be comfortable and familiar. And safe. I might remember how fun it was to be slutty and go home with boys from parties and whatnot but the whole shebang was such an emotional drain. It's comforting to know what I mean to him and vice versa. Plus, I'm fatter now then I was then and would have a much harder time being single*.

anyway
Bought season 4 of Oz, and hot damn. One of the best anti establishment shows ever put out by the establishment. Oz would be impossible to neuter and put on late night TNT. The american prison system is so fucked, and it boggles my mind how anyone should think that the government should have the power to murder its prisoners (both directly and indirectly). It seems so unchristian. The tax burden is better than stooping to blind vengeance. I am also newly terrified of being shanked.

When I was still in NJ, my mother and I went to Lucky Chengs, a drag bar in nyc for her birthday. Since I was the only one who ended up going with her on her special night, we decided after a couple of poontang orgy bowls that I may now call her occksucker, because that's what the waitress called her when she sang my mom happy birthday. run on sentences a re awesome.

I went to visit her third grade class and one of the girls asked me what a thong was, then proceeded to ask if either me or my mom were wearing one.

I have an interview with some people for babysitting on wednesday, fuck yeah employment under the table.

*so very kidding, even if I am.

Oregon is turning me into a bumpkin, not a hick/redneck or anything, but I am way to used to everyone being friendly and nice. It took me about a year to get used to, and now people (not everyone, but enough people) outside of Oregon seem so gruff and mean to me. I was in philly for nye and people seemed so closed off. Granted, I was hammered beyond compare, but still. I had an awesome time and everything, but it reminded me that where I live is perfect for me. It made me miss Portland and my makeout buddies so much. Even if Portland is small and the food sucks ass and there aren't any bagels; but beer is cheap and plentiful and at the risk of sounding like a flakey fucking stupid bitch I wouldn't trade the vibes for anything. I will always have a place in my heart for NJ because that's where my roots are and all that shit, it is integrated in my being. But that still doesn't mean I belong here.

I just licked half a unisom sleep gel (trucker sleeping pills) off my hand, now my tongue is numb and I'm getting dizzy. It wasn't the best idea but it seems to be working, even if I can't really form sentences anymore. I need to wake up early tomorrow and go to work with my mom (3rd grade in the ghetto of Paterson, her kids totally rock though). We're going to a drag show for her birthday but my Dad isn't coming.

I can't wait to get home,the 7th the 7th the 7th.

I found a book of independent comics based on Belle and Sebastian songs. It might be the most pretentious thing I own but it's still fucking brilliant.

I'm going to see Evil Dead the Musical at 8:00 today. I've wanted to see this since it started in Toronto years ago. I tried to convince my family to sit in the splatter zone but they weren't down.

My hair is ridiculously, retardedly sexy right now. My mom took me to a salon, not a barbershop or hairdresser, but a fucking salon with appointments n' shit. I had to fill out a little questionnaire before they started working with me, and the last question was "What was your impression of our Salon when you first came in?" To which I wrote "Devil wears Prada". Another question was something along the lines of "what brings you here?" which is kind of fucking stupid. A haircut/color, sillies. (I know they mean their specific salon, I'm just being an ass) It took almost four hours to dye/cut my hair, but it's so hot and worth it. I could have never, ever ever got my hair to look this way. My hairstylist/colorist asked if my boyfriend knew I was getting my hair this way, as if he would beat me when he saw it. Someone a year ahead of me in highschool was working there, but I didn't recognize her at all even though she knew me (I guess I stood out a bit).

I told them they should start a giant foil ball, and my stylist/whatever looked at me like I was nuts.

New phone, a samsung psuedo-razor. Even though I really hate razors, this phone seems pretty sturdy and decent so far. I had to wait for my dad to blackmail the sprint people into charging him less for my phone service, but two hours later I got it.

It is so weird that my family has some money now, when I moved out we were pretty solid middle/lower middle class, but my grandpa's money combined with my mother's lucrative teacher's salary has boosted us to upper middle class. I remember when we couldn't get kid's meals at McDonald's because my mom said they were too expensive,now she buys me insanely priced hairstyles and 8$ drinks.

I can not get over the fact that beer is $4.50 a pint here, that's fucking insane. I miss the Pub at the End of the Universe : ( I went to the side door in Pompton Lakes with Cristen and Mel 1, and a long island (NO ONE KNOWS WHAT A BLACK OPAL IS, WTF) was only 4$. Beer should not cost more than a long island.

I bought my mom a Voltaire CD for xmas and she loved it. It's kinda gay but I like it anyway.

I want to go home : (

ugh, been working on a paper since about 2, with a two hour break for dinner at the Tortoise (FINALLY had a beer at the tortoise, that place taunted me with its promise of alcohol for two years). I need to take a cab home, but I think my phone is dead so I get to see which greasy icky payphoen works. They usually get trashed by fratboys pretty easily 'round these parts.

I think I got a little psycho at the end of my paper and I made some horrible comparison of the 24hour baby channel to vitamin coated children's cigarettes

I am almost done. I jumped a huge hurdle toward being done.

The halloween party was fucking great.  I fucking rocked Meg Griffin but there were lots of other awesome costumes too.  There was a nipple pasty mermaid (continuing the tradition of boobs at the halloween party), and roger told me he was wearing a cockring. Our kitchen was so packed you had to push your way through (kitchen always seems to be a primo hangout spot) , and many a shot were pounded.  I like our parties, lots of groups of people that might not hang out otherwise; but still socialize and intermingle anyway.  Some neighbors came by, so now we have some more aquaintences in the hood.  I was continuously amazed by how many people knew each other in some kind of convoluted way.  For example, Adas's roommate plays soccer with the dude who lives five houses down and only came because the party was on myspace.  Shit like that.  Hookups happened, fights didn't, and only one shotglass suffered (silly drunken nathan).  I've missed having parties.

On Lexapro again.

On Friday I filled myself with beer at the goose hollow inn with Jonas and some of his buds, then we took a madcap cab ride back to my place. Cabs in oregon don't have dividers, so every time I ride in one I ask the cabbie if anyone's every fucked with them. As our cabbie swerved and gunned it, he ranted on and on about how gay dude think he's their last chance. On and on. We got home, and I realized the neighbors (who we have never met) were having a party. Mel and I went over to introduce ourselves, ended up dancing to old school hip hop in the basement. Unexpected old school basemtnhip hop is always welcome.

Saw 3 was intense (I find some comfort knowing I won't die in any of those horrible way, esp in rotting pig guts), but where the fuck is jigsaw renting out all this industrial space? It bugs me.

I actually am canadian...

An inebriated gentleman at The Yamhill (bar), talked to Jonas at length about how I was the "prototypical portland girl". According to him, we all look like librarians.

Made an appointment with a shrink, fuck yeah meds.

School is stressing me out hardcore, I have four papers due on monday. Since my breakdown last week my observation and guidance professor has been super duper nice to me, but in a being nice to the crazy girl kinda way. Being crazy is definitely not a good trait for an Early Childhood Professional.

ANGST

I'm trying to only eat beneficial shit, no sweets or snacky potato chip esque, and I'm doing better than I thought I would. I ate Taco Bell last night but I was fuckin hammered so what the fuck ever. I found a shrink, who I hope will drug me. I can't function in an academic setting without ritalin anymore. Today I scared the crap out of myself though. On some extended release adderall I still had a nonesensical mini breakdown in class and had to go home early. Usually it keeps me optimistic and motivated like I can tackle fucking anything and nothing will get me down but today it only did that for an hour then something set me off and I freaked out. I've been feeling flat out psycho for about three weeks, ragingly angry at nothing or getting vaklempt over the same thing. I'm tempted to go on an antidepressent again (I still have plenty of Lexapro if I wanted) but I don't fucking know. It's so hard to remember how I felt on medication, effexor is a blank mauve suffixed by intense crazyhorrible withdrawal. Lexapro made me very dizzy if I forgot it and miserable if I took it irregularly. I hate how I can be fine for months at time then it all crashes down. Just long enough to trick myself into thinking I'm ok and then BAM. Even if it is PMS it detracts my life to the point where I shouldn't let it happen. Vonnegut is my anti drug right now. Finished slapstick, jailbird, slaughterhouse five, and am about 4/5th of the way through Hocus Pocus. There is a reason Powells lacks used vonnegut and I think salinger would make me slit something(one).

I went to an Amway meeting at the Rose Quarter (collesium thing) and it was the fucking creepiest freakshow I've ever seen. They called themselves Free Enterprise Dreambuilders and everyone at the collesium were dressed in buisiness clothes. It was like fundamentalist christian right wing capitalist lalapalooza.

totally saw some dude giving a guy head on the way home from kayla's last night. at least they had the decency to only moan, grope, and make out when I walked past.

I'm pretty sure I'm quitting my job and going back to school (PCC). In 30 credits I can be certified. Staying at my current job would dp the same thing, but I think I'm picking up bad habits at the preschool. I can't tell if I'm helping or herding the kids anymore.

http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=5617

I totally have that chair.

The nickname that the media (real people may or may not use it, I don't know) gave the neighborhood I where I work is "Felony Flats". It's like upstate NY, only methy instead of quiant.

Today, while sitting on the park playing sonic the hedgehog as I am wont to do, I realized I was really waytofucking close to wearing a pantsuit/jog suit, save from the bowie shirt. I'm one of them.

My manager lady hasn't graduated high school. I need out of there.

Had a great time friday in the living room with Jonas(I even liked techno for two or so hours), but I hurt my jaw (not that way, it was overzealous gum chewing). Drank saturday.

Started my first full day in the toddler room. Somehow managed not to be wrist deep in tod-shit, give it time. Made a girl cry over killing a spider (I said she was mean and that was a very bad thing to do and she started crying and I felt so so bad...but I make children cry 4 or 5 times a day, its part of the job). We have a three year old who is sweet as pie but looks like the evil child from The Bad Seed. I only have to be in with the head-rulefellating-teacher who talks to me like I'm retarded for two hours, and then she leaves me alone because I spend the rest of the day with another teacher (5:1 ratios fucking RULE!!). I miss my 4-5 year olds, but it's so less stressful on the whole to deal with toddlers.

I can't stand full time jobs, I never find a routine comforting, I feel suffocated and claustrophobic. that was one of the main/many reasons I couldn't fucking stand stream.

sometimes I get depressed for 2 weeks or more around my woman week, I fucking need an antidepressant that will allow me to drink and orgasm, is that so fucking hard to figure out pfizer?

Apparently it is not illegal for my job to make me show up and then not need me, or only have me work for a half an hour. It doesn't matter that it take me forty five fucking minutes to bus there at 9:30 am, walk 1/3rd a mile just to have to turn around and go home. Fucking oregon labor laws.

I love love love babysitting. After watching cartoons with the 5 year old; the 1 year old passed out on my lap and I finally saw the end of Six Feet Under. I would have never thought I would end up liking Brenda so much, I fucking hated her early on. I missed two seasons (when did keith get children?).

Two moments of fuckingbeauty yesterday

52 and Powell, beat up minivan with middle aged man BLASTING eye of the tiger.

Goose Hollow, a piano and a fiddle being played out a livingroom window drifting into summer dusk.

Beer festival tomorrow!!

August 23 9:50 PM

TO NJ!!

Now that I can drink legally in the US, Vancouver is kinda lame. It's just not a very cool city, most of its points stem from being Canadian.

I lost 10$ on the Kenny Rogers nickel slots...I thought it was some kind of sign because I've had The Gambler in my head on and off for weeks now.

Last night I had a really vivid dream about dating Bob Saget. He was in his 30s, but it was definitely Full House, America's Funniest Videos Bob Saget. We even made out a bunch. So.fucking.weird. I need to stop watching True Hollywood Story.


"I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing. " -Bob Saget.

I can't believe I live walking distance from Rocky Horror and I've been there once, freshman year college (and it wasn't very good).

RHPS- connecting 15 year old girls/boys and college age men since 1975.

Is Nacho Libre reallyfuckingracist or is it just me? I'm thinking there's some obscure reason it isn't otherwise....cultural appropriation to the max. I thought Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite was pretty racist too.

The Yamhill is my favorite bar in portland so far. I can only order beer there because I feel like a pussy otherwise. I t5hink the Pub at the End of the Universe would be in my top three if it served liquor.

They cut my hours in half at the preschool, very lame. I need another job.

My parents are coming the first week of July. We're going on a quick family vacation to Vancouver BC. I'll be able to do moderately expensive touristy things like the Autopsy museum, the aquarium, and the casino (my parents love casinos [casinoes?] I have yet to be of age ot one). Our hotel is 6 blocks away from the New Amsterdam.

Jonas and I are doing well, we can see each other during the week now and he has his own fucking room finally. And a super nintendo on loan (lots of Secret of Mana and YOSHI'S!ISLAND!)

Jonas: Lillian you should not throw frisbees at childrens' faces
Jonas: it is insensitive
Lillian: It's the only way they'll learn: Life comes at you fast. In the face

I had my first day of preschool today, and it was fucking rad. I'm working with the slightly older kids (yes!) when I get settled in the "red room". The kids really like me so far, and they are so so so much more well behaved than the children from child development. They understand sharing and manners (although I'm working on their manners) very well. I work 10 to 5 mon-fri, with a two hour break (wtf am I going to do at 60th and woodstock for 2 hours?).

We were outside my whole time with the kids, we played on the swing/slide/basketball/chalk. The kids found a baby bird that fell out of its nest and we drew birds in chalk on the concrete. My bird was (by far) the best. My pants (HATE PANTS) are many chalky hues under the knees, I am going to need more than one pair of black pants to get through this. I don't mind the dresscode that much because I have so much fun when I'm there. You can feel the thin coating of snot on a 2-5 year-old's hand though....but for some reason snot isn't as gross when it belongs to little kids.

Hardest part will be remembering names...for now, they are all honey and dude. How long until I get burnt out by this?

http://www.hyfntrak.com/neilyoung2/AFF23252/

Stream of the unreleased Neil Young album. Lots of tired anti-consumerism/anti bush rhetoric but Neil Young does it SO WELL (I could do without the patriotism, though). This makes me forgive him for greendale or whatever the fuck that rock opera was.

http://chrisgoesrock.blogspot.com/

download.

I had a dream where I was working on a space ship/station in either the near future or the present, I couldn't tell. I think we were in orbit. The space ship was underwhelming, rust colored shag carpet and vaguely 70s decor. Very dentist's office. It was pretty boring actually. Slavers, dwarven people with silver clothes, attacked our ship. We high tailed it to mars, an airless cityscape. Out of all my dreamscapes it was the prettiest...gigantic stark geometric grey buildings as far as the eye could see, with no traffic what so ever. Yet each building was different. Like if the buildings from Batman (sort of gothic 40s) were remade in a blank 80s corporate way. The slavers still followed us, so we made a last resort time jump. I woke up in Mars, year 3000ish. The city (the city I saw must have been the unfinished mars) was under a giant dome with a projected sky. I tried talking to some girls about the future, but they were mean to me because I was in future mars illegally. The future, or maybe just mars, is full of hipsters who forgot all about the hipster sanctity of irony. There are three security levels on Mars, Mark I (illegal), Mark II (temporary visa mostly used for bounty hunting illegal time jumpers) and Mark III (legal, duh). I spent most of my time running from the slavers-now-bounty hunters, chased even to the very edge of the dome. The last stand with in a gaudy movie theater with laser guns.

I GOT THE PRESCHOOL JOB!!!!!!!

I should be a teacher as next next week, I think. The manager lady loved me and my energy and all that jazz, and apparently so did the kids. I'm going to be a bad ass preschool teacher. I can even earn my certification/assosciate's degree through this.

I found a prayer card on the max and a jack chick track ("Happy Hour")on the stairs leading to the office today. Jesus trifecta is in play.

The whole easter passover thing is really depressing today. I'm stuck in this cubicle until 10:30, and my easter sunday dinner depends on whether or not that egg salad sandwich is still in the automat.

So glad to be leaving.

I JUST QUIT MY JOB!!!!!!!!!


OH. FUCK. YES.

I was not built for a cubicle.

I will be free as of 4/20.

nametag bonfire time.

I told off a teenager on the max today. He was listening to music on his cell phone speakers and singing along. It was loud and unintelligible because the audio quality was horrible. Listening to music without headphones is inconsiderate enough, but when it sounds like my ears are chewing glass...I lost it. His friend asked if he could turn it down, and Inbred McBaggypants said that was the only volume. I turned around and asked him to turn it off, and he sneered and asked "why"? I told him it was the considerate thing to do, that making us all listen to his shit was rude. He asked "why would I care about being rude?"

I said "Because you should fucking aim for being a decent human being instead of a dipshit, we shouldn't have to listen to your fucking shit"

he muttered something about how he didn't curse and yell at me, and turned it off.

It was very therapeutic. I've needed to snap for a while now.

I have an interview for a preschool position on friday!!!!

I talked to the boss lady today, told her that I'm going to school for it next year, worked for about a year in childcare already, and blah blah blah. She seemed excited about me so YAY!

I MIGHT VERY WELL ESCAPE CUBICLE HELL AFTER ALL!!!

I can even get college credit for working there, and it'll be very conducive to my education.

This is pretty much my dream job, I hope hope hope it all works out. If It isn't enough hours I can work at the pizzahut down the street.

The dog went totally psycho and bit the shit out of me. Mel had him on her lap, and I started wrestling with him a little bit. He was obviously not playing, so I stopped and started to chastise him for growling at me, and he went nuts and tried to bite my face. I caught him so he only bit my chin and my arm, then I grabbed his collar and shoved him into his room. In the meantime, Mel and Alexi ran away into alexi's room and the two boys (Glenn and Steve) did nothing. I (for the record) was fucking gangsta. I screamed at him and put him in his time out, where he sill is. It wasn't until after mel and alexi bandaged me up (he broke the skin through a sweatshirt and a sweater, as well as my chin) I started shaking and crying. I alway thought it was him and me agianst the world, and this feels like some kind of ultimate betrayal. He's undoubtably had a hard life. He was picked up homeless on the streets of Tacoma. But he's usually only growly/snappy when he's protecting something. He didn't stop at one snap either, he kept trying to bite me, which scares me a lot. It would be one thing if he just tried to snap at me once to scare me away and establish dominence, but it was a sustained attack. This is the last straw for his balls. This weekend they are getting the snip. If he has another outburst like this again, I will have to get rid of him, which breaks my heart more than anything that's ever happened to me. He's my baby and I love him, he curls up by my knees while I sleep and is so sweet and apreciative, but I can't put up with him if he gets violent. I'm really scared for him. I was more than willing to rearrange my life for him if need be, to make whatever accomodations I needed to because I love him. But visciousness cannot be tolerated.

+1 to the lillian stress list. My arm is sore and bruised from where he bit me. I'm proud and surprised at how well I handled the situation though. Mel and Alexi seemed to be in shock.

I have to buy it and make sure I still like it as much as I think I remember I do.

This is way better than that tramp stamp that looked cool but had no meaning.

Name 10 bands/artists you are really into. (Do this before clicking on the
cut!)

1. The Birthday Party
2. David Bowie
3. The Shins
4. The Mission UK
5. Teenage Jesus and the Jerks
6. The Creatures
7. GG Allin
8. Billie Holliday
9. Legendary Pink Dots
10. Alien Sex Fiend

\

My first Valentines Day in a relationship and I have to work until 10:45...what kind of bullshit is that? I really love my job so far, I can zone out and listen to music all day. I don't have to touch the phones, and I get to dick around on the internet a lot. It takes an hour and a half to get home at night, but that's not so bad. I lucked into Friday and Saturday off.

I've been compulsively reading and rereading Slaughterhouse Five and Slapstick. I need more Kurt Vonnegut, I love how scatterbrained his writing is. I wish my grandfather was still alive so I could ask him about Dresden.

I already went on a mini dvd binge...12 episodes of OG Ninja Turtles (which is actually pretty funny and entertaining, still), Pink Flamingos (wtf, John Waters, wtf), and another season of the Golden Girls. Oh, and The best of chirstopher walken on DVD. What did people waste disposable income on before DVDs were invented? Besides booze, drugs, and loose women.

Can I tag along with someone for Sisters of Mercy? I need need need to go to that.

Hopefully being captive with the automats at work will keep me from eating to much, and to unhealthily. I need to lose weight so badly, I've really let myself go.

My sister is giving me her old ipod!! I neverever thought I was going to luck into an ipod. I'm going to have it subdermally implanted. But where??

http://www.furisdead.com/feat-goldengirls.asp

"Interest in The Golden Girls has skyrocketed lately thanks to Bea’s current hit one-woman show on Broadway and the recent sell-out revival of The Women with Rue. So PETA dug into the vaults and pulled out our first-ever anti-fur TV ad (produced years before the Naked Campaign began), which features Betty, Bea, and Rue on the set of the Golden Girls declaring, 'Cruelty is never fashionable. Don’t wear fur. Support the people who fight for animal rights.'"

I had no idea.